Christmas party heightens joy and decreases heaviness for people with HIV

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The REACH holiday party took place on Zoom, making it accessible to participants all over the Northwest during this busy time of year. Last weekend 25 guests signed on from along the I-5 corridor as well as Eastern Washington, Oregon, and Montana. One even joined from a hospital room where she was keeping watchful care over her young child.

This party demonstrated that REACH people are getting comfortable on Zoom – the full hour was energetic sharing of anecdotes, comments, jokes, and traditions. The games we planned only fueled the fire of joyful storytelling and visiting. The quieter participants never had to worry about being “called on” since the air space was already full!

Amidst the hilarity, our guest from the hospital room participated quietly, writing comments in the chat and playing group games via the shared white board. At the end, just before saying goodbye, we rallied around her saying we would be thinking of her and her child and those of us that pray would be praying. She visibly teared up.

Thankfully, two days later she let us know that her child’s lab work came back with signs of hope and healing for the first time since being hospitalized and quarantined four weeks ago with a concerning AIDS-related infection.

Isolation comes in many forms for our participants: Fear of rejection and stigma. Life alone in a new country. Or the literal four walls of a hospital room. REACH has the privilege of being a constant presence and a steady voice of encouragement, belief, hope, and care.

The ideal atmosphere for people affected by HIV

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There’s something that frequently happens at REACH gatherings… but few other places. It could be called peace. Good vibes. A sense of coming home. Contentment. Whatever you call it, even our first-timers can sense it.

On Saturday, 32 people from the REACH community gathered for an early Thanksgiving meal. The night was rainy, and traffic was miserable as people trickled in the doors of the party. There were toddlers, children, teens, young adults, older adults, and people in wheelchairs or using canes. Food items were organized, nametags put on, and lots of introductions were made. At times food was dropped and drinks spilled; kids ran around; we played cup-flipping games, and a game called Medusa. All this might sound like a recipe for chaos, and yet that sense of peace remained.

Is it because REACH is trustworthy and confidential?

Is it because of our commitment to unconditional acceptance?

Is it because no one worries about judgment or rejection here?

Is it because of love? God’s presence? Long history? Smiles? Hugs? Attention to detail?

Rather than try to figure out its precise source, so we can “bottle it” or replicate it, we’ve learned to just notice it and enjoy. “It’s happening again,” we tell each other with a smile.

If you know anyone with HIV who could use a place to relax their shoulders, slow their breathing, settle in and be safe… make sure you tell them about REACH.

People with HIV deserve protection too

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Recently, a REACH lifetime survivor had an “aha moment” about what protection can really mean for someone living with HIV.  “Leanna” knew from a young age that she was HIV-positive and as she entered her teen years, she deeply internalized the frequent advice from adults that she needed to take steps to protect those around her from contracting HIV.

“I knew we needed to prevent STDs and have safe sex, but at that time I didn’t think of it as much as protecting me. I always thought I was the problem, the ‘dirty person’ or the infected person; therefore, I was protecting others. I never thought about it as vice versa, like, ‘I need that protection too.’”

After graduating high school, Leanna began to reflect on her health and her self-worth and realized that she wanted to flip the script. “I was in my 20’s when I started thinking, ‘Wait a minute! I’m undetectable. I do everything I need to do to stay healthy. I have to see myself as this person that needs to be cared for in terms of practicing safe sex because I do everything already [to stay healthy].’ For the longest time when I thought of STD prevention and protection, it was never protecting me, it was protecting other people. And that wasn’t very fair to myself. It really took a while for me to develop that sense of awareness, ‘Why am I thinking that way?’ It was this weird shift in my mind, where I was like, wait a minute. I deserve this actually!”

With joy, Leanna described the burst of confidence and self-love that welled up inside her when she made the discovery that she deserves to be protected from any infection someone might bring her way, including a different strain of HIV! She deserves to ask tough questions to a future partner. She made a commitment to herself to request an STD test from any future partner and set up a boundary of monogamy.

After sharing this enlightenment with REACH staff, she suggested that we talk about this at an upcoming Lifetime Survivor group, which we did. The faces on the Zoom as Leanna described her new perspective on protection spoke louder than their words. It was like everyone sat up a little taller, realizing they deserved to be protected too. And as people whose virus is undetectable, they are no risk to others, but others could certainly be a risk to them.

Thank you, Leanna, for sharing your lifechanging realization with your friends in the group and with REACH staff. We love learning from you, and it makes a huge difference.

REACH participants with HIV experience holistic well-being

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At REACH we are keenly aware of the judgment, stigma, and isolation facing people with HIV. The issue might seem more distant to those who don’t have weekly connections with people with HIV. We’ve even had individuals ask, “Isn’t HIV a solved problem?” The answer, of course, is that while treatment has come a long way, and our participants don’t live with an ever-present fear of death… the problem of HIV has not been solved.

Individuals with HIV in the U.S. have a doctor they spend less than 15 minutes with every 6 or 12 months. Mostly, the doctor makes sure the virus is still undetectable and sends them on their way with renewed or updated prescriptions. Some individuals with HIV also have a case manager who helps them with social services if they find themselves needing transportation vouchers, switching doctors or dentists, or even facing homelessness. Both “relationships” serve important purposes in the life of someone with HIV, but is that all they need? Medicine and physical resources?

At REACH we know that someone living with HIV needs much more. They need a safe place to talk about their status and how it impacts them. They need joyful smiles and bear hugs. They need friends who don’t require HIV education before they can be knowledgeable and supportive. They want to meet other people living with HIV. They need the compassionate listening ear of a friend without having to make an appointment.

For many of our participants, before finding REACH, their only safe setting to discuss HIV was the occasional, hurried conversation in the sterile office of their health care provider. This is not a space for them to tell their story, describe their relationship challenges, talk about their emotions, or get a response that sounds like, “I get that! It happened to me too.” Those things only happen for them at REACH.

Care providers refer people to REACH because they know their patients need more than what they can offer, and people who are a part of the REACH community are more likely to adhere to their medical regimen and stay healthy, physically and in other equally important ways.

“Allison’s” safest place is REACH

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As a teen with complex special needs, “Allison” (name changed for confidentiality) has not had an easy life. She and her HIV-positive mom, “Keira,” and her caregiver grandmother, “Dee,” connected with REACH immediately after moving here from another state in early 2024. They attended both Spring and Labor Day Getaways together. The grandmother exclaims about how valuable these experiences are for Allison and Keira.

For Allison, the activities get her outside in the fresh air, exercising her unstable legs, and surrounded by people who love to chat with her and enjoy her teasing sense of humor with no stigma or judgment about her disabilities.

When we first met Keira she told us “I need to make friends with HIV!” and in almost every support group (online or in person) she shares the story of the traumatic circumstances surrounding her HIV diagnosis years ago. She can be talkative, but the participants are gracious and kind. They know the value of listening to her experience and offering care. Keira comments often about how much people at REACH smile.

Dee delights in seeing her daughter and granddaughter engaged in such healthy and supportive activities and admits that she too gets a lot out of the themed breakout sessions, as fulltime caregiving is not easy.

At Labor Day Getaway Allison felt so safe and comfortable that she decided to perform a song, something she had never had the opportunity to do before. It was a spontaneous decision during the “talent” portion of campfire and her grandmother immediately grabbed her phone to record this novel event saying, “I can’t believe she’s doing this! I don’t know who she is. I’m so shocked at how outgoing she’s being. She comes to REACH and just comes alive.”

Many around the fire sang along to the classic love song, swaying and waving their phone flashlights back and forth like they were at a concert. While the performance would be unlikely to win an award… Allison felt like a superstar as she tiptoed back to her seat amid boisterous cheers and applause.

Labor Day Getaway Creates Family

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Despite being brand new to Labor Day Getaway, “Asha” had banked several experiences with REACH over the last year. She first met us at our Thanksgiving celebration in Tacoma, despite her drive being much longer than the event itself! Later that month she joined a wreath-making connection event that REACH hosted at her case management site. Three of the participants that day joined REACH staff for lunch afterwards and Asha was the life of that party, talking about all the foods she loves from her home country, cracking jokes, and playfully teasing her new friends. Throughout the following months she joined many ladies zoom chats and positive adults support groups. She naturally took the role of caregiver within each group, often starting comments to fellow participants with the phrase, “Josephine, my dear…” or “Martha, my dear…” offering encouragement and support.

This summer Asha made sure to request the necessary days off of work to attend Labor Day Getaway. She bonded immediately with another first-time participant, and they trekked to the pool every day for a refreshing swim and enjoyed attending the groups and breakouts together. She loved dancing at the “Boogie Woogie Round-up” Sunday evening, and learning the silly campfire songs. When she was called on to demonstrate a dance move at campfire, she laughed heartily while showing off her move. After all this joy and enthusiasm it caught us by surprise when she took the mic during the closing campfire on our final night and began to weep. She choked out her grief, saying, “I haven’t seen my babies in two years!” Then, “Because of REACH I now have family in America. I have never felt so loved by people I never met.”

For most of the year with us, Asha effectively hid the anguish of leaving her young adult children back home as she seeks asylum in the U.S… but in the safety of a REACH getaway, she let down her guard. No doubt she will continue to be the nurturer at group, but she also understands that she can safely be vulnerable and continue to be loved and accepted at REACH.

 

Pray for Labor Day Getaway

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The annual REACH Family Labor Day Getaway is Friday, August 30th through Monday, September 2nd. Will you please pray with us for a weekend of acceptance, safety, respite, fun, and good fellowship?

Sign up here

We have moved!

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The REACH offices have moved … we’re only a few blocks from our old location. Come visit us at:

310 N K St, Suite 200
Tacoma, WA 98403

Our phone is still 253-383-7616.

So many NEW (& amazing) REACH participants

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In the last two years, REACH has welcomed 30 new participants with HIV. Of course this means we have also welcomed their numerous family members. REACH is growing!

The stories behind the referrals are as diverse as the people themselves — brand new diagnoses, long-term survivors who just heard about REACH, immigrants, adoptees, and more. Whether the person is reeling from their recent HIV test, or feeling long-term lonely because no one “gets” their journey with HIV… we are confident that unconditional acceptance and safe community — the essence of REACH — will meet them where they need it most.

What a joyful privilege it is to introduce a new acquaintance to the community of REACH. The relief, friendship, and healing we observe is a constant reminder that what REACH offers is unique and needed.

To our supporters — thank you for keeping REACH going for 28 years and beyond. Safe community never ages, no matter how demographics or specific needs might shift.

To our referral partners — thank you for entrusting us with your precious patients and clients. Your enthusiasm for sending them our way shows how much you care about the whole person.

REACH Campers Speak Up About Camp

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Parents:

“REACH has been transformative and life-giving to each of my kids.”

New parent: “This is definitely a community. No wonder there are campers coming back every year.”

“REACH Camp is my sanctuary. As a single parent, it is hard to be able to put down responsibility and let my nervous system relax and recalibrate. When I’m at Camp, I feel my defenses come down and I can take a deep breath.”

“Next week I am having several conversations with the school and others to put together a wrap-around team for my daughter. I will be sure to keep ‘Works in Progress’ as a central guiding principle and remind myself she (and we) are doing the best we can.”

“[I had] deep one-on-ones with other parents going through the same stuff.”

“One of my favorite parts, and a time I feel I can share, is guy group. It’s a unique place with a group of guys with families and lives similar to mine. I look forward to these conversations.”

“During group I felt safe to show my emotions.”

“I felt support for my family … knowing that my kids are safe, and the worth my kids and I felt.”

“I received understanding and love.”

“People looked out for me – they encouraged me to rest, to keep holding boundaries, to keep hoping.”

“In the adult breakout groups, it felt good to share my truth and also hear the ideas of others, which can be quite different from mine.”

“In parent group several parents nodded in agreement when I described my struggle.”

“I love knowing it is only months away to face-to-face see each other. But we have Zooms to fill in the gap!”

Teens:

“I was accepted all weekend.”

“When I performed my act at the talent show, everybody clapped and celebrated me.”

“I saw many people be inclusive of the Spanish-speaking families by making an effort and offering their own skills for communicating.”

“At night when we discussed the theme, I felt safe from judgment when I offered my own thoughts in the conversation.”

“Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed by life’s expectations or unaccepted, I remember that I have a REACH family; someone who loves me and wants the best for me always.”

“If I am ever feeling frustrated or upset about all of life’s problems and expectations – and like I won’t ever be able to get myself together – I know now that there is nothing wrong with admitting that I am slowly coming together. What amazing grace is in the phrase ‘a work in progress.’”

“I felt like I could be myself and people would accept me.”

“In every group I hung out with, I could easily flow into their conversations.”

“Though I may not feel comfortable in my body and with how I look, I know that I am a work in progress. I’m not perfect, and I’ll never be, but Jesus is still making me.”

Single Adults:

“I don’t want to leave.”

“I really needed this weekend.”

“Everyone was very welcoming.”

“I was included into every group activity.”