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Christmas party heightens joy and decreases heaviness for people with HIV

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The REACH holiday party took place on Zoom, making it accessible to participants all over the Northwest during this busy time of year. Last weekend 25 guests signed on from along the I-5 corridor as well as Eastern Washington, Oregon, and Montana. One even joined from a hospital room where she was keeping watchful care over her young child.

This party demonstrated that REACH people are getting comfortable on Zoom – the full hour was energetic sharing of anecdotes, comments, jokes, and traditions. The games we planned only fueled the fire of joyful storytelling and visiting. The quieter participants never had to worry about being “called on” since the air space was already full!

Amidst the hilarity, our guest from the hospital room participated quietly, writing comments in the chat and playing group games via the shared white board. At the end, just before saying goodbye, we rallied around her saying we would be thinking of her and her child and those of us that pray would be praying. She visibly teared up.

Thankfully, two days later she let us know that her child’s lab work came back with signs of hope and healing for the first time since being hospitalized and quarantined four weeks ago with a concerning AIDS-related infection.

Isolation comes in many forms for our participants: Fear of rejection and stigma. Life alone in a new country. Or the literal four walls of a hospital room. REACH has the privilege of being a constant presence and a steady voice of encouragement, belief, hope, and care.

REACH participants with HIV experience holistic well-being

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At REACH we are keenly aware of the judgment, stigma, and isolation facing people with HIV. The issue might seem more distant to those who don’t have weekly connections with people with HIV. We’ve even had individuals ask, “Isn’t HIV a solved problem?” The answer, of course, is that while treatment has come a long way, and our participants don’t live with an ever-present fear of death… the problem of HIV has not been solved.

Individuals with HIV in the U.S. have a doctor they spend less than 15 minutes with every 6 or 12 months. Mostly, the doctor makes sure the virus is still undetectable and sends them on their way with renewed or updated prescriptions. Some individuals with HIV also have a case manager who helps them with social services if they find themselves needing transportation vouchers, switching doctors or dentists, or even facing homelessness. Both “relationships” serve important purposes in the life of someone with HIV, but is that all they need? Medicine and physical resources?

At REACH we know that someone living with HIV needs much more. They need a safe place to talk about their status and how it impacts them. They need joyful smiles and bear hugs. They need friends who don’t require HIV education before they can be knowledgeable and supportive. They want to meet other people living with HIV. They need the compassionate listening ear of a friend without having to make an appointment.

For many of our participants, before finding REACH, their only safe setting to discuss HIV was the occasional, hurried conversation in the sterile office of their health care provider. This is not a space for them to tell their story, describe their relationship challenges, talk about their emotions, or get a response that sounds like, “I get that! It happened to me too.” Those things only happen for them at REACH.

Care providers refer people to REACH because they know their patients need more than what they can offer, and people who are a part of the REACH community are more likely to adhere to their medical regimen and stay healthy, physically and in other equally important ways.

“Allison’s” safest place is REACH

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As a teen with complex special needs, “Allison” (name changed for confidentiality) has not had an easy life. She and her HIV-positive mom, “Keira,” and her caregiver grandmother, “Dee,” connected with REACH immediately after moving here from another state in early 2024. They attended both Spring and Labor Day Getaways together. The grandmother exclaims about how valuable these experiences are for Allison and Keira.

For Allison, the activities get her outside in the fresh air, exercising her unstable legs, and surrounded by people who love to chat with her and enjoy her teasing sense of humor with no stigma or judgment about her disabilities.

When we first met Keira she told us “I need to make friends with HIV!” and in almost every support group (online or in person) she shares the story of the traumatic circumstances surrounding her HIV diagnosis years ago. She can be talkative, but the participants are gracious and kind. They know the value of listening to her experience and offering care. Keira comments often about how much people at REACH smile.

Dee delights in seeing her daughter and granddaughter engaged in such healthy and supportive activities and admits that she too gets a lot out of the themed breakout sessions, as fulltime caregiving is not easy.

At Labor Day Getaway Allison felt so safe and comfortable that she decided to perform a song, something she had never had the opportunity to do before. It was a spontaneous decision during the “talent” portion of campfire and her grandmother immediately grabbed her phone to record this novel event saying, “I can’t believe she’s doing this! I don’t know who she is. I’m so shocked at how outgoing she’s being. She comes to REACH and just comes alive.”

Many around the fire sang along to the classic love song, swaying and waving their phone flashlights back and forth like they were at a concert. While the performance would be unlikely to win an award… Allison felt like a superstar as she tiptoed back to her seat amid boisterous cheers and applause.

Labor Day Getaway Creates Family

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Despite being brand new to Labor Day Getaway, “Asha” had banked several experiences with REACH over the last year. She first met us at our Thanksgiving celebration in Tacoma, despite her drive being much longer than the event itself! Later that month she joined a wreath-making connection event that REACH hosted at her case management site. Three of the participants that day joined REACH staff for lunch afterwards and Asha was the life of that party, talking about all the foods she loves from her home country, cracking jokes, and playfully teasing her new friends. Throughout the following months she joined many ladies zoom chats and positive adults support groups. She naturally took the role of caregiver within each group, often starting comments to fellow participants with the phrase, “Josephine, my dear…” or “Martha, my dear…” offering encouragement and support.

This summer Asha made sure to request the necessary days off of work to attend Labor Day Getaway. She bonded immediately with another first-time participant, and they trekked to the pool every day for a refreshing swim and enjoyed attending the groups and breakouts together. She loved dancing at the “Boogie Woogie Round-up” Sunday evening, and learning the silly campfire songs. When she was called on to demonstrate a dance move at campfire, she laughed heartily while showing off her move. After all this joy and enthusiasm it caught us by surprise when she took the mic during the closing campfire on our final night and began to weep. She choked out her grief, saying, “I haven’t seen my babies in two years!” Then, “Because of REACH I now have family in America. I have never felt so loved by people I never met.”

For most of the year with us, Asha effectively hid the anguish of leaving her young adult children back home as she seeks asylum in the U.S… but in the safety of a REACH getaway, she let down her guard. No doubt she will continue to be the nurturer at group, but she also understands that she can safely be vulnerable and continue to be loved and accepted at REACH.

 

So many NEW (& amazing) REACH participants

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In the last two years, REACH has welcomed 30 new participants with HIV. Of course this means we have also welcomed their numerous family members. REACH is growing!

The stories behind the referrals are as diverse as the people themselves — brand new diagnoses, long-term survivors who just heard about REACH, immigrants, adoptees, and more. Whether the person is reeling from their recent HIV test, or feeling long-term lonely because no one “gets” their journey with HIV… we are confident that unconditional acceptance and safe community — the essence of REACH — will meet them where they need it most.

What a joyful privilege it is to introduce a new acquaintance to the community of REACH. The relief, friendship, and healing we observe is a constant reminder that what REACH offers is unique and needed.

To our supporters — thank you for keeping REACH going for 28 years and beyond. Safe community never ages, no matter how demographics or specific needs might shift.

To our referral partners — thank you for entrusting us with your precious patients and clients. Your enthusiasm for sending them our way shows how much you care about the whole person.

REACH Campers Speak Up About Camp

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Parents:

“REACH has been transformative and life-giving to each of my kids.”

New parent: “This is definitely a community. No wonder there are campers coming back every year.”

“REACH Camp is my sanctuary. As a single parent, it is hard to be able to put down responsibility and let my nervous system relax and recalibrate. When I’m at Camp, I feel my defenses come down and I can take a deep breath.”

“Next week I am having several conversations with the school and others to put together a wrap-around team for my daughter. I will be sure to keep ‘Works in Progress’ as a central guiding principle and remind myself she (and we) are doing the best we can.”

“[I had] deep one-on-ones with other parents going through the same stuff.”

“One of my favorite parts, and a time I feel I can share, is guy group. It’s a unique place with a group of guys with families and lives similar to mine. I look forward to these conversations.”

“During group I felt safe to show my emotions.”

“I felt support for my family … knowing that my kids are safe, and the worth my kids and I felt.”

“I received understanding and love.”

“People looked out for me – they encouraged me to rest, to keep holding boundaries, to keep hoping.”

“In the adult breakout groups, it felt good to share my truth and also hear the ideas of others, which can be quite different from mine.”

“In parent group several parents nodded in agreement when I described my struggle.”

“I love knowing it is only months away to face-to-face see each other. But we have Zooms to fill in the gap!”

Teens:

“I was accepted all weekend.”

“When I performed my act at the talent show, everybody clapped and celebrated me.”

“I saw many people be inclusive of the Spanish-speaking families by making an effort and offering their own skills for communicating.”

“At night when we discussed the theme, I felt safe from judgment when I offered my own thoughts in the conversation.”

“Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed by life’s expectations or unaccepted, I remember that I have a REACH family; someone who loves me and wants the best for me always.”

“If I am ever feeling frustrated or upset about all of life’s problems and expectations – and like I won’t ever be able to get myself together – I know now that there is nothing wrong with admitting that I am slowly coming together. What amazing grace is in the phrase ‘a work in progress.’”

“I felt like I could be myself and people would accept me.”

“In every group I hung out with, I could easily flow into their conversations.”

“Though I may not feel comfortable in my body and with how I look, I know that I am a work in progress. I’m not perfect, and I’ll never be, but Jesus is still making me.”

Single Adults:

“I don’t want to leave.”

“I really needed this weekend.”

“Everyone was very welcoming.”

“I was included into every group activity.”

Volunteers are the heart and soul of REACH

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Can you picture the spring retreat volunteers – leaving children and jobs, hobbies and housework behind in favor of investing their time, energy, and hearts into the REACH families? When there is down time, can you see them inventing games and activities to delight the kids? When joyful messes are piling up, notice them tidy up as they continue to visit and engage. Can you see their heads bowed over colorful award certificates, dreaming up the very best words of affirmation to speak over REACH kids as they receive their awards? As the volunteers leave, do you hear them thank us for the opportunity to participate?

Do they realize that their presence makes REACH the beautiful community that it is?

Spring Retreat breakthrough

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Spring retreat had some complexity – families enduring rush hour traffic to arrive for check-in, last minute illness and cancellations, staff and guests trying out a new-to-us camp facility, bursts of rain, cold temperatures, unexpected meeting room glitches… You might think of these things as a recipe for stress or struggle. But if you were to catch a glimpse of the reality of spring retreat, you would see warmth, peace, authenticity, and togetherness… all helping people rise above HIV stigma.

Picture 11-year-old “Liam.” He’s been coming to Labor Day Camp for 4 years but is introverted enough that as the camp dates approach, he asks if he can stay home. When the answer is no, he acquiesces but requests frequent breaks from the social camp experience to unwind in the cabin with a parent.

But this spring is his first time at smaller, more laid back retreat… and he seems like a different kid as he joyfully plays balloon volleyball, climbs to the top of the climbing wall multiple times, and bursts with pride as he shows all of REACH his “super-sharp” saw he constructed from duct tape and foil. Everyone who knew him before noticed him blossom throughout the weekend beyond all expectation. But he put it into words for us when he walked on stage during the awards ceremony, grabbed the mic and announced, “This is the weekend I got comfortable at REACH.”

Circle of Hope Breakfast 2023

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Circle of Hope Breakfast
Thursday, May 11, 2023, 7:30-8:30 AM


Life Center Church,
1717 S Union, Tacoma

 

 

 

Please Join us on our Annual Circle of Hope Breakfast. It is a free, one-hour breakfast and is a key springboard for raising unrestricted operating dollars to fulfill our strategic plan to double the number we serve by 2025. 100% of donations from attendees will go to REACH programs and our expansion initiatives. You will be investing in dignity and hope for children, families, and adults facing rejection because of HIV.

Most people with HIV try to keep their status private because of the rejection and isolation they will encounter, even from their closest family and friends. Speaking publicly takes deep courage, which is why the Circle of Hope Breakfast is a rare opportunity to truly understand the physical, social, emotional, psychological, and spiritual impact of HIV/AIDS. REACH currently journeys alongside over 100 HIV-positive children, teens, and adults … plus over 370 of their family members. REACH is for the whole family because HIV affects the whole family. We feel called to double those numbers in the next few years.

Check-in starts at 7:10 AM

Program will run promptly 7:30-8:30 AM

The breakfast is a free event. Guests will have an opportunity to make a donation during the program. 

Seating is limited, and we are taking reservations now!

RSVP by April 25th to Cecilia Bryan at  cbryan@REACHministries.org or (253) 383-7616.

Sign up here

To learn more click here